Three years ago, my partner and I moved to Lake Chapala, Mexico.  Wherever we live, it’s always important to us that there’s a gay community to plug into.  People sometimes ask us if that’s reverse discrimination – we think emphatically that it’s not.  It’s no different from wanting to be part of a Jewish community or a Universal Unitarian community, or to want to make sure there’s a writer’s group or a quilting group.  We don’t spend all our time with only one group, but there are times when we want to be with folks just like us.

We’d heard about Lake Chapala and Ajijic through straight friends of ours who moved down here a year earlier.  When we decided we would join them, we went online to find out about the queer community here.  We found lots of straight people who assured us that there was a sizeable gay community and that gays were welcomed and fully integrated.  It wasn’t until we moved down here that we met our first lesbians.  We were walking through an art exhibit in the Ajijic plaza when Carol suddenly spotted two women selling jewelry.  “D.A to the left!” she whispered loudly (that’s “dyke alert” to the uninitiated.)  We strolled over to them, “Hi,” we said.  All four of us smiled that knowing smile and the next day found us happily drinking coffee and getting to know our new-found friends better.

As the weeks and months progressed, we quickly found ourselves meeting lots of other gays and lesbians.  Many were, like us, part of a longtime couple.  A few were single, and some were in new relationships that have since bit the dust.  As we got to know folks better, we discovered that being gay wasn’t the only thing we needed to have in common, and some of our newly-formed friendships didn’t last.  There were those who drank too much; those who were too ostentatious for our likes; some whose only focus seemed to be constantly renovating their upscale homes, and some who were just plain weird.  But as time passed, we found a core group of friends with whom we enjoyed hanging out and sharing holidays.

One of the disadvantages of living in this area is that there are a large number of “snow-birds” – folks who are only here during the winter months.  We know one couple who have set up their lives so that for half the year they live in Michigan and for six months they live rent-free in Mexico by housesitting for repeat customers.  Another pair of lesbians are Canadians who rent a home here so one of them can manage her arthritis in the worst months.  We love getting together with them, but dread the approach of summer, when they will abandon us once again.

There’s no organized group here – from time to time we talk about setting up an email group, or a list-serve, but we never get around to it.  There is however, a group that meets every Friday at the Ajijic Plaza in the Jardin restaurant.  So if you’re in the neighborhood, stop by!  Just be prepared for the fact that you might not want to leave.

Gay Life by Lake Chapala is a post from: Mexico with Heart - Living, Traveling, and Retiring in Mexico

If you’re regular readers of this blog, then you know that life for expats in Mexico can be happy, frustrating, energizing, exhausting, relaxing, busy – in other words, whatever you make it.  But have you wondered what it’s like if you’re gay or lesbian?  Have you had a concern that since this is a country where the vast majority of folks are practicing Catholics, you might not be welcomed?

If so, it’s time to put your worries to rest.  The Mexican laissez-faire attitude of live and let-live certainly applies to this issue as well.  My partner and I moved to Mexico three years ago.  In this article we’ll tell you about gay life in general and in the next article, we’ll introduce you to some of our friends.

Have you assumed that gays and lesbians would probably keep a low profile here?  If so, think again!  Although this article will focus on the two biggest cities – Guadalajara and Mexico City, even in small villages it’s easy to spot out gays and lesbians.  While I can’t vouch for what their parents think, I can say that they clearly don’t feel the need to hide themselves.   Where we live there is a large expat community and within that community there are a considerable number of gay and lesbian couples.  We don’t have any venues just for us – bars, nightclubs, etc – but that’s because we don’t need them.  If we want to dance together, we do.  If we want to walk arm-in-arm we do.  And if we really have the urge to be just with our own, we can hop in the car and drive 40 minutes to Guadalajara where there are gay bars galore.  Indeed some consider Guadalajara to be the “San Francisco” of Mexico for gays.   And certainly if you walk through Costco or Soriana (the local supermarket) on a weekend alongside straight families doing their weekly shopping, you’ll see numerous obviously gay couples doing theirs too.

The annual gay pride event in Guadalajara draws thousands of participants with its gaudy, over-the-top, display of dressed-up, made-up, leathered-up, hip-gyrating gorgeous men.  What you won’t see are some of the most popular groups from north of the border – no dykes-on-bikes, lesbian moms or PFLAG (parents and friends of  lesbians and gays.)  This isn’t a political statement, it’s a celebration for the boys to be girls, and like so many other Mexican fiestas it’s loud, colorful and exuberant.

In Mexico City, gays and lesbians have even more of a presence.  Go to the Zona Rosa quarter and you’ll think you’re in West Hollywood or Key West.  Along with Starbucks and McDonalds are dozens of storefronts festooned with rainbow flags, shops selling everything from sex toys to gay magazines and restaurants for looking, cruising and more.  These venues aren’t inexpensive, and as with so much of gay culture, there’s a far stronger male presence than female.  There’s also a fair amount of gay life in the Condessa and Roma neighborhoods.  But check out http://www.machamexico.com, for a vibrant blog about the lesbian scene in Mexico city.

Living the Gay Expat Life in Mexico is a post from: Mexico with Heart - Living, Traveling, and Retiring in Mexico

Our first trip in Mexico was to Puerto Vallarta. Sooo gay. We felt very comfortable there and that might have set the tone for a rest of our trips.

We’ve always been treated very well. We find Mexicans very polite and helpful and don’t have any complaints. I know or have corresponded with several gay men expats in Mexico and hear similar stories.

A couple in Morelia said their neighbors were not happy when they first moved in, but earned their trust quickly just by being good neighbors. There are also several gay couples around Patzcuaro that have similar experiences.

We have a friend in PV who has had a boyfriend from Zihuatenejo for years. He even built a house for his partner’s family there. I think they’re accepting, but are still disappointed that their son is gay.

I talked with a man in Ajijic who says he and his partner are very comfortable there. He said it’s not much of an issue to most people and that they have more straight friends than gay. We saw several couples, I’m assuming, when we were there as well.

One problem we had was from a gringo couple at the place we stayed. We could tell they were stand-offish. After they left another guest told us they were “disgusted” that we were “sharing a bed”. She said they also made some terribly racist remarks too, so no surprise I guess.

At a restaurant in Ajijic we received awful service and wondered if the waitress had a problem. We later found out awful service is standard there.

In Guadalajara the hotel manager insisted that the clerk put us in a room with two beds. We get that in the states too.

We’ve only been tourists though. I have to wonder if neighbors will accept us when we live there full time. Will we be free to live anywhere we want?

5 Comments from the old blog:

• At December 18, 2007 2:33 PM, Anonymous said…

  My partner and I are considering a move to PV when I retire–we’d love to hear from otheres already doing the same.

• At December 18, 2007 2:50 PM, Rosana Hart said…

  I suggest you do some Google searches.

  “Puerto Vallarta” gay

  should bring up some interesting pages. Also search for

  “Puerto Vallarta forum”

  in general. Plus, there are likely gay forums where retiring to Mexico could be a topic.

  Shouldn’t be hard to connect with some people.

• At April 15, 2008 2:25 PM, steve cross said…

  Hi all,
  My partner and I have just moved from Puerto Vallarta to Ajijic and opened a B&B.
  We feel very welcome here as a gay couple and only had one bad experience in a restaurant but or neighbors have been very welcoming and all other services the same. The servise in restaurants etc can be a little slow, but that is beacause of the pace of life here, not because of prejudice. We are in our 40′s and have just loved it so far.

  Steve Cross
  Casa de las Flores
  Ajijic

• At April 15, 2008 4:23 PM, Rosana Hart said…

  Thanks, Steve! Maybe we will meet sometime.

A Gay Couple’s View of Mexico is a post from: Mexico with Heart - Living, Traveling, and Retiring in Mexico

I held my tongue. This guy wasn’t going to be persuaded by anything I said. I was glad we were entering the grounds of the bus terminal and would soon be out of the taxi.

As Kelly and I walked away from the cab, we commented on what a dinosaur the guy was, but also more interesting than many Mexican cab drivers. He had certainly voiced his position clearly.

“I’ll put him in my blog,” I said. “He’ll make a good lead-in to the piece I’ve been planning to write about that conversation the other day.” Kelly and I had met a lesbian couple who live in Queretaro and are active in matters of women’s health and self-esteem.

As we have long had friends and family members who are lesbian and gay, there is no doubt about where Kelly and I fall on the spectrum of opinion. We both respect and celebrate the rights of all individuals to create their own lives. For a while we took part in PFFLAG (Parents, Friends, and Family of Lesbians and Gays).

So when we met the Queretaro couple, I was curious to ask them what it was like for them in Mexico. I had the chance to talk a while with one of them, at a private gathering we were attending. I received her permission to blog about what she told me. She said that Queretaro is a very conservative Catholic city, and that people are very polite. She and her partner have many friends who are Catholic. They have a good life here.

I commented, “I’ve noticed that many Mexican Catholics don’t believe everything their church tells them to.”

She nodded. “Of course. For example, not to use birth control, but it’s necessary.”

I asked what kind of reaction a trans-sexual would receive in Mexico, or someone whose gender wasn’t totally obvious. “We have a friend in the United States who is reluctant to travel in rural areas of the U.S.,” I said. “This person is concerned that s/he could get beaten up for using the wrong bathroom at a gas station, for example.”

“That would not be a problem here in Mexico,” she replied. “As I mentioned, people are generally very polite here, no matter what their views are. They prefer to avoid confrontations.”

That certainly fit in with what we’d seen here. In almost half a year in Mexico, I had only heard one loud argument, and that was one that wafted into our house around 3 in the morning from somewhere in the neighborhood.

Also, I was reminded of a conversation I’d once had with a gay man from Mexico whose English was excellent and who had lived in the U.S. “The Mexican culture is so much more demonstrative than yours,” he had said. “It is natural for any two people to show some physical affection in public. So while my partner and I prefer to be discreet in public, we don’t have to worry that a spontaneous gesture will seem out of place.”

The lesbian and I wrapped up our conversation and went over to join a larger group of people. Her last comment was, “Tell your friends to come to Mexico. They will receive a warm welcome here.”

I believe it.

Conversation with a Mexican Lesbian is a post from: Mexico with Heart - Living, Traveling, and Retiring in Mexico